Why I Hate Politicians pt.1

First of all, I do not consider myself a democrat or a republican. Like many I am tired of the black and white politics of the day and cannot agree whole heartedly with either side. Mainly because I have observed over the past several years that both parties are full of idiots. I believe in common sense, much like the late George Carlin. So, in his honor I have founded my own political party to affiliate with. In the great tradition of the common sense sarcasm of Mr. Carlin I will call my new party the Shitpisscockcuntcocksuckermotherfuckerandtits party. Here are some political observations I have made in the past month that I believe I need to call bullshit on... 

So a friend of mine who works in Tennessee politics puts up an interesting post a few days ago. It went something like this... "I sure am glad the senate made the right choice for Tennessee and passed the bill which allows any citizen to carry a gun in a restaurant. Good day for Tennessee." Now, I am going on the 7 month countdown of not having a job as I am sure many of you my age are unfortunately experiencing the same thing. But I wonder why in this dire time in our society, that stupid politicians are still worried about gun laws above all else? How many redneck mullets do we really have in our government? I guess my mom always told me that there is always a bright side to things and in this case I think that I have found it. Since they have passed this law it is going to make it much easier for me to bring my 9MM in to Burger King to rob them of the $23 in dimes, 13 ketchup packets, and 7 jr. bacon cheeseburgers I will need to survive through July. But then again, Arby's is doing so poorly that if I buy a 89 cent drink, they give me a sandwich for free and I don't have to pay for gunpowder. I also have heard that they have passed a bill so that first time homebuyers can get a loan for a new home with no money down and no assets as collateral......In utter shock, I really am starting to believe that Tennessee is being governed by a room full of retirees with alzheimer's who just want to make it through the day so they can get apple juice and watch Montel Williams. I also love the fact that the house finance committee, who have been caught being blatantly asleep at the wheel, feel they must repair their bad name by fucking with the people who are actually trying to help fix our broken system. These people have forgotten that the real criminals are at their mansions in their olympic sized swimming pools, swimming through middle class Americas money. I enjoy watching these guys parade the SEC, the Treasury, and others in to the house like misbehaving 2nd graders being sent to the principles office, just to ask them questions about a subject they know nothing about, and when they get appropriate answers they act like they understand. I once heard a republican senate member state on CNBC that Americans should vote for Republicans because the Democrats are all lawyers and the Reps are a diverse group, including doctors, teachers, and others. Well thats wonderful that they are representing doctors and teachers because they sure as fuck don't have any economists in their ranks. The Democrats are just as bad, while the president makes, what I believe, to be the most honest and caring attempt to strengthen America for the majority of the public in about 50 years, the Dems are so hell bent on playing "I told you so" that these idiots are screwing up everything their own president is trying to accomplish. My new hobby is watching the chairman of the Finance committee, Barney Frank, talk during meetings. Who is dumb enough to let this guy have a microphone? Not only that, he now runs the meetings for the single most important decision making comittee in our country? This guy needs to get hooked on phonics just so he can order lunch. He sounds like a retarded child chewing on his tongue. If you haven't heard this guy talk you seriously need to look for him on you tube, it is barrels of laughter. However, my favorite personality on capital hill of all time has to be Maxine Waters. This woman is the House of Representatives version of Professor Snape of Harry Potter fame. This may be the only person in America who is angrier than I am at everything. Probably because she realizes that she is way over her head. Unfortunately, her job is to interview the most brilliant minds in finance and economics on these same topics and she has since shown to the American public, on many occasions, that our government has absolutely no clue what the fuck it's doing. In the past six months she has entertained me by making more millionaire CEO's and Federal Economists get the "what the fuck are you even talking about" look on their face than I can shake a stick at. Point being... unfortunately, if you are waiting for the government to do its job and help you out, my bet is you are in for a long wait. Better go out there and do whatever you can to help yourself because both parties have proven that they don't have a clue what to do about anything that might prove useful to the people they represent. They didn't sign up for this, they wanted to get paid to argue about gays, gun laws, and abortion. Hey thats what they have done for the past 20 years. Why should they have to actually do some work this time around? Just watch out for the Shitpisscockcuntcocksuckermotherfuckerandtits party in the next election. We need your support to get common sense people back in government and send the radical rednecks back to the trailer parks.

Why I Hate Twitter

No! I absolutely positively do not Tweet! It pisses me off. My cousin recently got married and we decided to go play golf and then go to a nice restaurant. While we were riding in the car one of his friends whips out his blackberry and states "Hey does anyone want to know what Shaquille O'Neal is doing?" Actually...No the fuck I don't. I will tell you what he is doing. He is walking around with hands the size of cast iron frying pans making loads more money than I am. Just picking on you Shaq, I still have your rookie card homie. If America is that obsessed with what everyone else is doing nowadays then we really are screwed. Most people can't pay for their own health insurance in this country, but we can make sure we know when Larry Kudlow is taking a shit! This kind of product is the reason why Americans will stay the mindless idiots we have proven ourselves to be in past years. Maybe, just maybe, we should stop worrying about Tim Tebow feeling grumpy because his favorite Ameican Idol got voted off and focus on what we are doing with our own lives right now. It is bad enough that most of us spend our lives wasting our time, but only in America, ONLY IN FUCKING AMERICA, could we have invented a way to spend our lives wasting our time by checking to see how other people are wasting their time. Fuck me I think I just tweeted my pants. Here is a novel idea for everyone...back away from the computer and go see what a fucking tree looks like. Looking up a picture of a tree on Google doesn't count. Go outside, go for a run, go hiking, or just see what the sun feels like for five minutes a day and get you nose out of other people's business. It might do you some good. I must be honest and fair in these posts though, I must admit I would love to see what Michael Jackson is tweeting from hell. Now that would be an interesting post. What do you mean there isn't internet in hell, everyone knows that hell has dial up! Dial up is hell...tweet you later bitches!

Why I Hate People Who Like Michael Jackson

So the king of pop has kicked the bucket. Now I am once again amazed at how the death of someone can elevate them by the American public in the media to absurd proportions. First off I recognize that he has sold more albums than any other artist. Fair enough, however, his father Joe is the king of insane parents who push their children to far and paved the way for the likes of Lindsey Lohan's mom and Tiger Woods dad. Joe Jackson is looked at as a great parent because he is one of the lucky few whose children actually made it to stardom, and even though he destroyed the Jackson family to do it. That is, however, overlooked since most of them have made millions of dollars, a.k.a. the only gauge of happiness in America. If something would have been different and the Jackson's didn't catch their lucky break, then Joe Jackson would have just  been another ass hole dad starting a fight at his four year old's tee ball game. This is still clearly shown in the insane, yes insane, properties showed by his children. Michael was and always will be a mentally ill human being. If you don't believe me then name me some people you know who routinely have over 7 nose jobs, bleach their skin, and take estrogen pills like a kindergardener in an M&M factory. Plus everyone forgets that he molests little boys, but thats ok because he made "Thriller", and all is forgiven now that he is dead. Fuck that! If you ask me he has probably been wishing for death for years. He obviously was a mentally and emotionally unstable individual who couldn't walk outside in the yard for longer than 2 minutes without someone trying to take his picture and publish an article about how bad his clothes look or how fat his ass is. Even if some of you out there are dumb enough to think that he was a perfectly sane individual, then you can't argue with the fact that he felt at least a little awkward that he thought Jheri Curls were in style until 1994. To every other artist's credit, when he sold all of his albums his main competition was a 30 year old whore-cock tease, who no one has actually ever seen naked. If you can't figure out who I am talking about then you are stupid and I am not giving you clues. My god, this guy was the king of the 80's! That is like being the guy that owns a billion dollar sewage pumping industry. No matter how much money you make you are still the king of shit. In review, what am I trying to convey with this post? Several points 1. 80's music was a curse to humanity, thank God for Nirvana. 2. If you like 80's music you probably don't have any friends because you suck. 3. Because someone dies prematurely or tragically does not acquit them for past sins, nor does success. The world is better off without him and if he could speak from the grave he might just agree with me. Now BEAT IT!

Why I Hate Universities

Ah America! The land of the free and the home of the brave! What the fuck happened to this train wreck we call a county? In college I lived in my fraternity house for many years and, like most fraternal men, I was bombarded by a lot of big business, Republican propaganda. Not to say that I am a democrat, I will fuck with you guys later..., but I can say growing up in the south, but also in the 90's I used to be a very moderate conservative. You know Adoption not abortion, Capitalism above all else, and I would rather not vote on gay rights because I might be the first American to admit that everyone should have rights but gays make me uncomfortable, therefore, I don't have a fucking clue what to do about it and neither do you. I have been unemployed now for over six months. My parents are cool enough to pay for my apartment, food, ect. It makes me mad. I don't go to the movies or do any of that stuff right now, I would feel bad if I did. What pisses me off right now though is that I am one of a few in this country that has what I have. A degree, now they are handing these out like candy nowadays and I have read reports that college wont be worth the price in five years. I can believe that. Let me tell you of my experience... I graduated from the University of Tennessee Knoxville with a Bachelor of Science in Communications. My course of study was television production. Now, that's all well and good but once I went into this esteemed career after graduation let me tell you what I have learned. First and foremost, it astounds me that American business has become so hell bent on education that someone who will willingly work their ass off and has experience, good references, ect... will get passed over for whoever has a degree and will work for the least money. Let me put in perspective to you, as a college graduate, what my views on a college degree are. A room full of overpaid, greedy, white males signs a piece of paper, written in a old english font, stating that "Even though this board has never met this individual, nor have we had any communicative encounter with him, we agree that John is a professional in an industry in which we have never worked, nor had any experience with, and therefore we recommend that you give him a job on the fact that he has paid us 10,000 USD a year for the last four years, which is enough to bribe us into giving you our vote of confidence in this individual. Sincerely, The Trustees of The University of Tennessee. Now, with tuition rising every semester when I was in school I figured, hey, I will get some starting job that pays a good realistic 28,000 to 32,000 a year and work my way up. Weeeeellllll, thats not exactly how America works. I won't go into what happened but lets just say once I got out of school I realized that if I would have just taken a few weeks of specialized computer training courses, which I had to eventually pay for anyways, I would have been in the same boat and been up about $30,000. I now cannot get a job in TV because there are no more jobs to give. The market is shrinking and now TV crews must do double the work for half the pay. In short, it has become a high school vocational job. Strangely, colleges don't tell you this while you are in school. In fact, they also force you to take a minor in something like Theatre, which also has no bering in the real world. What I learned is that Universities will do anything to fill seats in a classroom so they can make money. They are no longer centers for hire learning but wealth driven profit pushers. The days of colleges taking care of their select few students has turned into a scholastic Wal-Mart where most of the schools don't have the equipment to properly teach their over sized collection of student's what they will face in the real world, but we can pay multi million dollar salaries to football and basketball coaches. My university has treated both my fiancee and I like a blank check and they continue to do so. Lesson learned...my MBA will be from an online college because the employer just wants to see the letters on a resume. In America you don't have to be good at what you do, you don't have to work hard, you just have to know how to fuck the system. Hell most human recourse managers are too afraid to talk to a human being face to face anymore and their cop out is internet applications. To sum all of this up, my advice to all you young lads entering the workforce is that there are two types of people in America today, those being fucked and those doing the fucking. Your most important lesson to learn is how to work the system. No longer do hard work and determination allow you to achieve anything you want in this country because there is always a vulture out there ready to steal you lunch. Is it right? Hell no, but do you want to eat tomorrow or not?

John Hates Americans (Actually Everyone)

My name is John. I am a 26 year old from Tennessee. I am a college graduate from a major university. I have worked in the television industry for 4 years and have recently moved to a new city. I have also acquired a fiancee in the last few month and am looking forward to our wedding soon. I must give a little background about my story so everyone can see why I think the way I do. I come from, like most southerners, grandparents who were children during the depression. Everyone had hard times then but especially the South. I have always been proud to say that I come from dirt. Both sets of grandparents worked hard to put both my parents and myself through college. Most of the time I feel like I have to succeed beyond what they accomplished for me because of the blessings I have been given. That can be a lot of pressure on a young man. Fortunately for me I have been given good tools to help my improvement. My family owns a hardwood lumber mill, and as a teenager I was stuck in the sun every summer doing manual labor for six dollars an hour. I always have said this is the best thing my parents ever did for me. Getting to the point of all of this rabble, what I mean to say is that I have a been on both sides of the fence. I have been white collar and I have been blue collar. I have had everything I needed payed for and I have been on my own and made my own way as a man. This blog is just my observations of the truth revealed about a country and my thoughts on why I have grown to be so bitter at the American people and the world in general. Most of this I hope is controversial and, if express my feelings correctly, I hopefully will offend and piss most of you off. Enjoy...